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#1
Today, 03:59 PM
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It's been almost two years since my last really bad manic episode. It costed me a lot including $2000 in repairs to my car by falling into a ditch and driving on to railroad tracks. It cost me the relationship that showed me that love was even possible - and 2025 I cried almost every day wanting that love back.
But 2026, literally is when the Pheonix rose from the ashes. I took my codependent heartache and turned it inward and upward - toward God, and towards my family and friends. The love still remained, even though it was complicated, but the way I worked through that was to no longer bleed in the absence of the love I once had. This week is Holy week. Without keeping this post religious, I will say this. What found me on the floor of the jail cell in 2021, is the same presence that put me on the podium three days ago speaking at mass. It's the same presence that blessed me when I became a Eucharistic minister last night, giving me the privilege of bringing something holy to the sick and suffering. And today, it's the same presence that was with me on my first day on the radio reading for the blind. If you never believed, believe this: bipolar is NOT a sentence. It is not a measure of your worth or what you can become. It does not dictate what you CAN or CAN'T do in this life. I was once banned from this website, because of my manic crazy behavior, I was put on probation, I was told I couldn't go certain places anymore, and family and friends have blocked me out of their life. BUT I got up and kept going. I did everything they told me to do. I took all my meds even when I thought they were bad. I STAYED SOBER 5 years now. I continued therapy. I faced the demon that tried to beat me into the ground. I am BIPOLAR - but I am NOT unredeemable. The picture on the left is where I met Father for the first time when I asked about his church. The picture in the middle is from last night when I became a Eucharistic minister. The picture on the right is me and the radio station. This disease DOES NOT DICTATE who you are meant to become and the greatness you can do. I am living proof of that.   
__________________
“To see the world, things dangerous to come to, To see behind walls, to draw closer, To find each other and to feel. ~That is the purpose of life.” |
 Blueberrybook, Discombobulated, Nammu
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 Blueberrybook, Nammu
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#2
Today, 04:18 PM
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__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| LadyShadow
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| LadyShadow
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#3
Today, 04:43 PM
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You are such an inspiration! Thanks for sharing!
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD quetiapine (Seroquel), lamotrigine, lithium, guanfacine (Intuiv), pantoprazole (PPI for stomach), iron, magnesium, fish oil, vitamin C, Citracal There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
| LadyShadow
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| LadyShadow
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#4
Today, 04:46 PM
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Thank you so much @Nammu and @Blueberrybook - you guys KNOW how hard it has been dealing with all this - I am so, so lucky to have you - and all your amazing support as we all try to navigate through this!!
__________________
“To see the world, things dangerous to come to, To see behind walls, to draw closer, To find each other and to feel. ~That is the purpose of life.” |
| Nammu
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