Bipolar check-in #99

I’m slowly letting go of my mom’s fat shaming comment. I have got such a complex about my weight. I always used to be skinny until 2 years ago when everything changed. I’m so conscious now of what I eat and how much I weigh. I don’t like it.

I'm learning that being really cold (more cold than is reasonable) seems to help me sleep. It's as if I finally have gotten past my klonopin decrease from September. It's not even midnight and I'm tired.

I hope it lasts.

Rainbow, I find cold a great thing to sleep consistently. I told my T yesterday that the world on fire but I’m sleeping great. Saterday is the end of the cold streak. I’m hoping it stays cool in my apartment. So far I’ve not yet turned the heat on. I’m afraid to, in case it doesn’t cool down at night. During the day I wear sweaters and socks and huddle under a blanket. But I sleep great!

I have trouble with sleep still. I am just not sleeping right, even with my machine. I am only averaging about 5 hours a night, and I am struggling. It's like my brain won't turn off. Just too many worries, too much stress.

Another big snowstorm is killing my weekend again. Weekends are my time to go out be social and interact with a lot of people. I have been suffering that I haven't had that social contact, I didn't realize how much I needed it. Even if it's something like going to the movies by myself, I haven't been able to do. Found out that Scream 7 is coming out at the end of February. Already made plans to drag my bestie to see it. Nothing like a good Scream movie, lol.

I don't have much planned today other than work on my voice and ATC projects. Hunkering down for this storm. Hope everyone has a great day!

I slept good but I’m still tired. I had crackers and a little cup of sunflower butter for breakfast. I have PT but I think I might skip it if my mom lets me. I don’t feel sick just more tired than normal. My pdoc had be switch the timing of my meds around a bit.

I’m also having trouble with sleep. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night and am up for the day. That’s 6 days I’ve gotten 5 or less hours of sleep. Only got one night of 8 hours throughout the entire week.

Anyway, I bought a smart watch. It arrives tomorrow. Excited!

Today’s the inspection. It didn’t happen yesterday and they neglected to tell anyone they rescheduled it. So I’m waiting on that. It begins at 10am it’s a little after 8am now.

After that I have the winter painting class I’m teaching at 2pm.

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My sleep’s been good. Every night just about. My roommate said sometimes I woke up crying telling everyone to eff off or singing in French for a few hours and I didn’t remember but last night even at home I got about three or four hours I think. I might have lost time though because I lost my PRN and I’ll probably get shyt but I already cried to the crisis line about it. A few months or years back I told my pdoc my insomnia was the “frying pan sleep aid withdrawals”when I cut contact with my dad and maybe I do just need intermittent head trauma for good sleep. I found a sadist to my masochism who I feel very safe with and knows the Cs and all that and maybe he can give me the illusion of concussion without the actual damage. My landlord wants a meeting though because the police were looking for me and asking a lot of questions about bruises when I was found.

Passed my inspection yay!!

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@MuddyBoots - It's good to hear from you!

I'm sorry for everyone struggling with sleep. It used to be a huge issue for me, but on these latest meds not so much. I think it's the Seroquel + Intuiv that does the trick; there are some nights when I take the muscle relaxer prescribed by the rheumatologist, and those nights I'm really out. Last night my sleep was nearly 9 hr.

I'm having a same old, same old day. Took a 6.2 mile brisk walk. H messaged me a lot on WhatsApp while I was walking, sent a clip of the traffic in Bangladore; I definitely am glad he's not driving there as the traffic is insane!

I read with the SAD lamp after breakfast and finished my library book. Folded laundry.

I'm starting a painting; we'll see if it turns out. My art has been frustrating me lately, but today my hands don't have too bad a tremor from the lithium. It's still hard to stay hydrated in the cold weather. Water is just so boring, and I want to drink soda or coffee instead which doesn't help my hydration.

I promised H I would water the plants, so I have to do that yet today. It takes quite awhile.

I hope everyone has a good day!

Dragging through my day, haven't started any projects, kinda fumbling behind a bit. Did take an amazing shower though and washed and did my hair. I think the Biotin is helping a lot because there used to be a lot of hair in the drain after a shower, now it's not falling out as much, so hopefully it will grow back some.

Thinking of this storm coming through this weekend. They are saying we could lose power again, I really hope not. I am worried about my car being buried; other than my broom, I have nothing to get it out. I need to invest in a shovel or something soon.

I hope everyone has a good day - glad you passed your inspection @Blue_Bird I know you were worried about that - I hope you continue with your artwork @Blueberrybook - they are really good, and I love seeing them on the thread.

I hope you don’t lose power @LadyShadow

I decided to cancel teaching the paint class. My program manager is gonna run it today instead of me. I’m so sleep deprived I can barely function

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You’re really good at being consistent with the SAD lamp @Blueberrybook I need to get more consistent with mine. I haven’t used it in like a month

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I hope you can get some rest today @Blue_Bird ! Omg, and Wylde Flowers is going so great, I have finally made it to Year 2!

I painted a boba tea, but ugh, I'm not too happy, one of the pearls on the bottom messed up,and it's hard to come back from messing up when you're using indigo paint.

Oh that’s awesome! I’m glad you’re playing it still. I dropped off it for awhile I need to get back to it. It’s such a good game. Did you know there’s a new game coming out by the same developers. It’s set in the same town I think but back in the old days like Bridgerton era but there’s magic

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I’m back on the Zoloft and while the dysphoric mood has lessened now I’m elevated and can’t sleep or calm down or focus and I’m severely overspending. Maybe I should just stop it again and see how it goes. Might take some getting used to but I feel like I’m on a speeding rollercoaster I can’t get off of right now

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Slept really hard last night with cool dreams but feel like I could go back to bed. I ordered groceries to come between 1-2. Then I’ve got to do the garbage and recycling. Really need to get my dishes washed too.

My stomach dropped when my mom told me about Catherine O’Hara. Home Alone is one of my favorite movies and I watch it nonstop at Christmas time and I quote parts of it several times a week.

I just hung out in bed today. I didn’t go out because I wasn’t feeling good and it’s no spend/work/shop day. I need to clean off my bed mainly. I haven’t spent any money for a couple days. Someone said that wegovy helps with impulse spending. Plus I’m not craving soda or fast food

Good morning

Man it’s Saturday and you’d THINK my son would let me sleep in but no he had other ideas at 6:30! Grrrrr.

Going this afternoon to try on the wedding dress Ive got my eye on. Really nervous…..I’ll let you all know later on if it fits!

To all of those struggling with sleep, I hope it gets better soon for you.

Well, I have to embarrassingly admit that the whole laundry fiasco was partially my fault. They switched apps, which wasn't advertised very well. They didn't tell us this when they sent out the email about the new washers. But, I could have caught it sooner. I still don't know if my credit card will work with this new app because I had funds from the old app to transfer over. Hopefully, it will! Right now, I have laundry in the washer. Hopefully, the dryer will work too.

Part of me feels guilty for taking today off, but I really needed it. I slept in and spent the morning watching this medical drama on Netflix that I really like.

I was looking at my bank account and I sure spent a lot of extra money-I know most of it was on caffeine. And, I bought a couple of things when I was feeling the euphoria part of mania. For the sake of my bank account, and my health, I really need to cut back and get back to focusing on my electrolyte/water intake.

I woke up several times last night but got out of bed at 1:30p. I was so exhausted last night. I’m still pretty tired today though. I’ve been feeling down - low energy. I’m not sure why.

W’s been on phone all afternoon with my niece. I’ve been in the living room watching tv with Lego.

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Love your cat @gary290 !! Sorry sleep was so bad, mine wasn't great either.

I am glad you got the laundry thing figured out @June08

Still can't get my head together today - I don't know what's up with me.

@gary290 - That's a great picture of Lego!

@June08 - Hopefully, you've solved your issues with the laundry app. I struggle with overspending even when I'm not elevated, or maybe I'm mixed. It's definitely been a tough battle for me. Even stable, I overspend if I don't watch it. I'm afraid my spending this month is going to be more than usual though to be fair, I had to buy new jeans in a size larger and I got a new sweater and PJs and then my daughter needed long-sleeved nightgowns as her old ones were worn to threads and I got more K-cups.

I got a warning on facebook that says We have reviewed your content and determined it goes against our guidelines. When I click on See Details it comes up with Technical Error.

I’m so careful on facebook I can’t fathom what I posted that may have gone against guidelines. I’m not sure.

Maybe they will send me another notification, if it’s serious?