Feels like they're coercing me into more CMHC involvement

I just signed my treatment plan yesterday. There really was no planned changes (my eating disorder diagnosis got changed to ARFID which at first I was confused about but then I remembered my therapist had a lot of input on that and she had a habit of barely listening and misinterpreting so so so much and then a lot made sense, so when I say "eating [x] feels bad" she probably meant in a sensory way or something not in a "eating [x] makes me gain weight and makes me feel unsafe" way which, since I am pushing through and sucking up enough to not have a crazy low BMI/be losing weight I don't qualify for the AN dx anymore and if I fking talked about it I would still qualify for the BN dx but why would I talk about it if all that gets me is the feelings of dismissal and being misunderstood?).

But anyway, they keep asking me if I want to go back to therapy (yes, but with someone who doesn't repeatedly hurt me over and over. Do you have someone available? No? You sure? Yeah? Okay then I'll pass). They keep asking me to go to these groups. They asked me if I wanted to join this Inshape program which at first was just group exercises (I do that at the gym where everyone is on my level and none are LOSING the struggle against sedation and weight gain from clozaril, zyprexa, depakote, etc.). They ask me if instead of hanging out with my friends, Chris, my mom, etc. I want to have lunch with the med person who had free time that day instead. Like wtf? Do you NOT want me to live my life?

As soon as I get off my CD I'm going to try my hardest to get out of ACT. I don't have schizophrenia where I cannot build and maintain a life because of lack of skill, I have BPD/CPTSD where I do not build and maintain a life because of self-destructiveness. I don't need to be enabled in this way, I just need it to thoroughly soak through my brain I need to suck it up and enjoy good, peaceful things.

I have tried working with them and doing whatever they say and going to them for help, and has that helped me? No, absolutely not. I believe I'm far worse off because that is the opposite of what I needed. A lot of times I didn't need to be locked up, I needed to be set free. I didn't need to talk about it in a box to process it, I needed to let my body feel safe by doing what my body likes to do in places it likes to be. I didn't need someone to say "we're here for you, just call," I needed someone I could hug, cry into their shoulder, and still think tomorrow's going to be okay if I did that.

I don't know, I drove here today and my parking time is going to run out, but am I a little deluded in thinking my entire life shouldn't be on pause for treatment? Like I can't fking have 99% of jobs right now because of the med monitoring schedule, I can't go on ANY hike where drive + hike MIGHT be longer than 8 hours, I can't go out to dinner with anyone, etc etc