Bipolar Check-in #105

Thank you

I spent today at a Basic Life Support class where we practiced doing CPR on adult and baby sized dummies. We also practiced resuscitation techniques and using an Automated External Defibrillator. It was hard work and my back hurts but I'm good to go. All of my dummies survived. I've renewed my training which is good for the next 2 years. I'm glad to get it done and over with.

Tomorrow is pdoc at 11. I assume there will be some big changes. I’m a little nervous. I’ve been in a major depressive episode for months and something has to change. I’m worried about medication sedation. I’m already exhausted because of cardiac meds.

@LadyShadow, that’s great about the mental health show.

@June08 and @Blueberrybook I’m feeling better thanks.

@BlueBird94 I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad.

I had an appointment at my regular drs office this afternoon. They pawned me off saying “go to urgent care” so I did. Ugh. I’ve been crying to my long-time T friend for an hour. I got the run around from my dr, the dr at urgent care that my dr pushed me off on, …. The dr at urgent care referred me to a bone specialist!!! As the kids say… what the actual….? And the urgent care dr retested me for Covid and yup still positive! That’s it! I barely have any food. Cleaning hurts my stupid arm…. Aaaaand we’re full circle!

@LadyShadow I’m glad things are going well with your radio thing. I haven’t thought of doing art in a few days maybe I’ll give it a shot. I haven’t played any videogames lately either. For some reason I keep getting hard on myself when I do things like play videogames or watch shows. I’m like “I should be doing something more productive” and feel guilty about it even though I enjoy them. For some reason I feel like I have to earn downtime by being super productive or something. I’m not sure why

I hope your appointment goes well Gary and that you’re able to have med adjustments made that help you

I am still having racing thoughts and SI but thankfully I have been able to sit still a little longer today. I managed to read a chapter of a book. I can’t manage an hour long reading session today that I typically do once or twice a day. Even meditation is hard. Normally I can do 20-30 min of silent meditation a day. Today I did 2 minutes got aggravated/agitated and stopped.

My friend messaged me asking if I wanted to go to Kohl’s to shop with her tomorrow. I said yes because I was just gonna accompany her without buying anything but I decided now’s not a good time to be in stores for me with money. Too risky. I have what I need for essentials set aside and that’s all I’m using it for. So I’m not going to go.

Right now I have a headache so just took some ibuprofen and am waiting for that to kick in while I listen to some Celtic music by Adrian Von Ziegler.

Oh yeah @LadyShadow are you going to see the new Spiderman in theater? I’m going next Tuesday August 4th to see it in theater afternoon. There’s another movie I want to see at the end of the month it’s one of the new Insidious movies. Which is a horror series

I did it! I drove to the edge of the city for my appointment today. I didn't go fast but I didn't freak out either. I did have to pass 2 vehicles together on the way up and that was hard but I did it. On the way home about 30 miles had very little traffic and I got more comfortable going the speed limit there. I'm still anxious and jumpy and not a very good driver at the moment but I am going to get through this. I responded to the weekly text about whether I want to do an office or phone visit with my therapist that I'll do office Tuesday. I'll do what I did here and leave very early and go the speed I'm comfortable at. When I have to drive in the city I'll just get into the right lane and be careful. I'm talking myself through this and somehow that helps too.

I also talked to my doctor about my horrible diet and lack of exercise since my fracture and he agreed to let me try to fix it with diet and exercise. I have 6 months and if it's not better by then I'll have to accept that i'm diabetic. I have no idea if I can really succeed at this but I really want to try.

Does anyone have a walking pad they would recommend? I want incline and a handle bar and that's about all I know. I have a corner of the living room I should be able to sick one. I can't do aerobics videos and my road isn't safe to walk on so this should be a reasonable compromise. We went to the park and walked this morning. I hope we can do that more often. I'm not comfortable doing it myself while I'm still at risk for falls and other issues.

I showed my doctor what I thought was a cyst on my knee. He said it was a healed bursitis and that in combination with the feel of my kneecap I may have broken it in the past. I didn't remember injuring it but later remembered a fall I had 6 years ago and I beat that knee up quite a bit. I bet I hurt it more than I thought. My nonbiodad was dying then and i just kind of moved on. If I remember right he wound up in the hospital a few days later and then was home on hospice for a few weeks. I remember thinking I should ask for an xray but there was just too much going on.

And that was my day. The drive up and back and appointment should have been about 3-3.5 hours and took me 4.75 hours but that's ok. I had to stop a few times and I was early for the doctor and waited in the parking lot for a long time. better early than late.

Thanks for the new thread rainbow. I rarely notice when we’ve reached our limit.

Sending good vibes out!

Been a difficult morning. The internet went down and my lesson needed the students to all be able to download the power point so that was a bit disastrous.

Today has been rough. My 3 hour meeting on the new curriculum just left me feeling completely overwhelmed and anxious. I also wasn't able to get much done at school because of racing thoughts and my inability to focus. We are required to be on campus 4 hours tomorrow-it's going to be rough. I'm also experiencing a bad POTs flare this evening. This weekend, I was going to get some IV fluids, but I'm going to have to cancel my appointment because of a billing issue I need to get figured out.

@June08 I'm just curious. Have you tried compression socks? Because I bought some I keep getting ads for them and some of them advertise that they are helpful for POTS. I'm just interested in whether that's true. Now that wearing one is just part of my life I am so glad for them because they really do keep my swelling down. Which obviously isn't how they help POTS.

@June08 I'm sorry. I meant to also say that I'm sorry today was hard. My parents were both teachers and I remember them coming home absolutely exhausted during the prep for the year time. It sounds like the new curriculum is hard to process. I hope it all is better tomorrow.

Thanks for the responses @BeyondtheRainbow. :-) When it comes to your compression socks question, they are helpful for a lot of people with POTs. I haven't noticed much of a difference when I've tried them, but maybe that's because I've mainly tried the calf only ones? High sodium electrolytes and IV fluids have been the things that have made the most significant positive impact for me.

Still not feeling it but in good news I've got 1 more class to teach.

@BeyondtheRainbow Congratulations on successfully managing traffic. I have to drive tomorrow and I’m stressed.

@June08 sorry about feeling overwhelmed. It sounds like a lot of work.

@Crazy Hitch hopefully things get better.

Btw, the MSF website won’t let me send hugs or thanks. I read all of the posts though.

@gary290 I hope your p-doc visit goes well and that you're put on meds with absolutely no side effects.

@Moose72 I think an ortho consult is probably the best thing. You need some x-rays on your shoulder and arm. Perhaps an MRI as well.

@BlueBird94 I guess do everything in moderation that way you don't feel guilty. Play a game then get up and do something constructive. That's how I watch tv. I do a little house cleaning or laundry during the commercials that way I'm slowly getting something done. I hope your feeling better.

@BeyondtheRainbow Well done at getting to your Dr's appt. I usually get behind the slowest vehicle on the road so that I can drive whatever speed they're going. Semi trucks and busses are good. You usually don't see them weaving in and out of traffic at a million miles per hour.

@Crazy Hitch You made it!!!!!! Well done!

@Nammu Thanks for the good vibes. Right back at you!!

@June08 Praying tomorrow will be a better day for you and that you'll be able to wrap your mind around that new curriculum. I hate change. Hope you're feeling better physically as well.

@gary290 I hope your drive goes well tomorrow. You can do it!!!!!!! Here, you can have some of my x-tra hugs to give out.

Moose72 I think an ortho consult is probably the best thing. You need some x-rays on your shoulder and arm. Perhaps an MRI as well.

I need someone to give a **** that my arm hurts! Sure. I don’t mind the confined spaces of an MRI. Go for it. But after my primary ditched me or told the other Dr I was to see yesterday to ditch me, I’m seriously thinking of moving from one health system to the nicer one. Even though my current primary I’ve known since I was pregnant with my eldest who was born in 1997!

I did the full Red Cross one after preloading at a UPS warehouse all night for 8 hours and had a seizure within the prior 24 hours so my body and brain was numb and I was told I would’ve definitely broken my persons ribs lol. I got kicked out of a convenience store right after.

I’m at the community mental health center. Waiting for pdoc. I’m early. W didn’t wake up to take me. Feeling frustrated with her because I go to all of her appointments and I told her this was important. But I made it on my own. Traffic wasn’t too bad.

I have therapy in a couple of minutes. Not really feeling it today. Hopefully it goes OK.

Just wanted to add my name to the overspent month checklist I blame an extremely stressful month!

It's not really impulsive spending but moving while navigating courts/police had me looking at my bank account this morning and what I have to pay over the next month or so and, ya know, sometimes I think restricting isn't all bad.

She put me on Cariprazine and Doxepin. It’s free at the community mental health pharmacy. I did okay driving.