Mommy issues, self insertion & porn Induced Trauma

Well I have a problem with porn frankly. Its not that bad but its pretty bad. I heard a quote from somewhere that said "Most people who are traumatized by evil were not victims of it but they just came too close and witnessed it". I find myself getting so triggered by certain things. I wanna call my triggers mommy issues but I feel like that would be an oversimplification and also I have a wonderful mother so I cant possibly have mommy issues.

Whenever I see men behaving in a morally reprehensible manner I feel disgust, contempt and anger. However when I see women behaving that way I self insert and I find myself deeply hurt by it. When I hear about deadbeat fathers or adulterous husbands I shrug it off because I know that is NOT my dad. I have a great father and a great family actually but however whenever I see something about women I self insert, my mother is a wonderful mom and I am blessed to have her as my mum but for some reason I self insert into somebody else's life where their mums are awful. I cant picture my mum in it but I picture myself in it.

Deadbeat mothers and adulterous wives deeply traumatize me. I am not a married man nor do I intend to date or marry at the moment but why does this hurt me so much? I feel like as a man I am programmed to love women especially mothers who hurt them. It is NOT my mother, it is certainly not me. It has nothing to do with my life yet this is what I think when I wake up in the morning and this is what I think about when I go to bed at night.

Certain stories, certain episodes keep running in my head. I heard one about a mum who divorced her husband and married her son's best friend and had kids with him the story in question might be fake but i found a lead that said maybe it could be true but it was inconclusive but whatever it was i was deeply scarred by this, it keeps running in my head and i cant stop it. If this was a man i.e the dad then I'd just feel contempt and extreme disgust and possibly lots of anger and move on with my life but for some reason I self insert I pretend like this is my life and that was my mum although its not something that would ever happen to me. I cant stop it. I cant help myself I literally suffer that pain as if it happened to me. Just cant seem to comprehend why.

I do believe that part of this is maybe induced by porn and I am trying to stay away from it and keep my head clear and when i do my feelings do get mildly better but these thoughts still run in my head at the end of the day. I feel completely powerless.

I also believe there is this impulsion of morals in our society that is encouraged by many as being progressive or open minded and I believe those who fall for it are good people who are very vulnerable. They dont intend to hurt or betray but it happens. I can't stop but put myself in the shoes of a boy whose mum hurt him very badly whatever way it might although some are better than the others.

Yes I am a mumma's boy or whatever you want to call it but this deeply pains me to watch and I feel powerless because its other people's actions. Somewhere out there is a boy who loves his mum as much as I do and she does not give a damn about him. Now why does that bother me? but that is a terrible question because why shouldn't it bother me? These aren't fictional scenarios it is happening to someone and it will probably happen to more people and there is always those who cheer this on. I fear for this world. I guess more of my fear comes from the fact that such acts of cruelty are becoming more widespread and there are people who always cheer it on. I just cant stop and i cant dissociate. This is literally ruining my life. I have so much going for me and i feel like i am just screwing everything up.