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#1
Today, 03:19 PM
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I do not feel joy. Everything feels flat. Seeing my friends be engaged is fun but I feel broken on the inside, like I can’t fully participate.
I get great ideas but then I can’t follow through. I tried doing computer training while working but I just couldn’t get myself to follow through. I felt stupid and like a failure before I started. I remember I took a part time job grading papers but felt too stupid to follow through although I passed with my reading and writing comprehension. Like my brain doesn’t even feel reward or power in my own skills. I know I am not stupid. I did well in school but I struggle to feel motivated, or accomplished once I complete something. It’s affected me professionally and in so many parts in life. It’s like I can’t get started because I think something bad will happen, or I’ll fail anyway. |
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