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#1
Mar 30, 2025, 03:24 AM
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For this of us that were rejected for who we were as children do you believe there's a true self buried inside that can be dug out of that we all exist on a continuum and there is no buried singular self?
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 unaluna
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 unaluna
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#2
Mar 30, 2025, 03:55 AM
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I used to think there was a true self. But now my true self feels like the mean dog that was slapped into existence by my mother, that has no tolerance for noise, or talking. I dont feel the presence of anyone behind her. But maybe i need to play more now to find her, to bring her out.
I remember never liking to "play house" as a young child, because once the mother slaps the baby, it was game over, literally. |
| Lostislost
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#3
Mar 30, 2025, 05:21 AM
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I don’t believe there is a true self to be dug out. I wish there was because it would be a lot easier than trying to build your true self, from nothing, with a fully grown brain when you are middle aged or older. Seems like an impossible task and the window was missed. For me anyway.
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| unaluna
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#4
Mar 30, 2025, 08:06 AM
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Maybe finding who we are is a better angle... Had this convo with T many times... Before therapy it was like I was watching a Tennis match, I'd swing from one view to the next not really knowing within me what I felt was right...had no idea of my music tastes or books I might enjoy... I had to relearn in my 40s/50s what felt right to me and but what The Mother believed to be right for me... Looking back in sure she had her own inner wounds too...
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| Lostislost, unaluna
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#5
Mar 30, 2025, 10:55 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder; Sleep Apnea; possibly on the spectrum Nuvigil 50mg; Wellbutrin 150mg; meds for blood pressure & cholesterol |
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#6
Mar 30, 2025, 02:48 PM
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I think so. I’m a very shy person. L says that if I didn’t experience trauma, she thinks I probably would have been outgoing and socialize better. She thinks that because I do have an inner self that actually enjoys people.
__________________
"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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#7
Mar 30, 2025, 05:20 PM
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Quote:
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| comrademoomoo
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#8
Mar 31, 2025, 07:21 AM
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I don't think there is anything that I would call a "true" self. My perspective is that we have genetic predispositions toward certain things, like personality traits, etc., but we are always a product of our genes in environment (epigenetics). So we can ask ourselves, what might I be like if this particular thing hadn't happened to me, or what might I have been like if I'd been raised in a different environment, had different life experiences, but not who our "true" self is. I do think we can heal from trauma, work to reject internalized biases, change core beliefs that aren't serving us, explore our values and work to align our behaviors/life more closely with them, figure out our preferences, change our environment to some extent, and in doing so, be happier and healthier. It may feel more like we are our "true" selves, because we are following our own preferences, but I think even those preferences are often shaped (or at least influenced) by environment, culture, etc. But! I also think if the construct of a true self resonates and is helpful, then why not?
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| unaluna
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| ScarletPimpernel
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#9
Mar 31, 2025, 11:21 AM
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[QUOTE=Oliviab;7481234s). It may feel more like we are our "true" selves, because we are following our own preferences, but I think even those preferences are often shaped (or at least influenced) by environment, culture, etc. But! I also think if the construct of a true self resonates and is helpful, then why
not".. For me my preferences before finding who I am were a result of bias and influences.. Its only now in later life I can feel what's right for me, I could never feel it until this point... |
| Oliviab
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#10
Mar 31, 2025, 11:25 AM
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I was kinda hoping my true self would be soneone who could be happy being around other people. Its like my parents' irritation rises up like the Babadook hovering behind me after fifteen minutes.
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#11
Yesterday, 03:12 PM
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Quote:
I'm but sure rbeng happy doing this or that matters as much as being at home finally within ourselves |
| unaluna
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