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#1
Apr 07, 2026, 10:05 AM
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We went from savings towards a vacation, badly, to my husband being unemployed and taking out his 401k account. We used that for rent, paid off one credit card, and used the rest as safety net. So we went from 8k to 0. He now works in a weed industry making two dollars less.
When my husband was unemployed and the money in the savings was his, I kept my mouth shut because it's his money. He said he didn't want it to go under 1k, then 300, then 100. We had a vacation, argued about money then because I brought extra money for a massage but we used my cash on the islands so I was short for my massage when I haven't spent a single cent on me the entire vacation, but it was charged to the room. He got mad when our room card was out of funds. I explained to him the cash is right here, it's missing some from buying him his cigar and Whale shark figurine and our photos from the Isla d. I cried asking him why can't I have one thing this entire vacation with my own money. I just feel like I put all of my money into this relationship, and he ends up spending when he knows I want household things, such as a new table since our currently one is held up by duct tape. We had the money, but we went over our budgets in the date fund and guess what no more chance of table. No matter what. I feel like I'm stuck in this ever constant cycle of put money in, take money out. Like not 100 percent is on him, but he gets his say, he gets his weed and then goes after my weed, he gets booze and then goes after my booze. I barely drink except for chosen nights, so my liquor will just hang in the fridge until I'm ready for it. Then he will ask weekly about them. If I drink them while he's around, I have to share with him or I would have to purchase extra just so he can drink with me. Then i just dont want to even drink anymore. Then he complains we never drink together. Two years ago, he couldn't ration his money enough for weed, so we made 100 of his personal fund the weed fund. Ok. Then he asked me to tip in. Ok, but now it's our weed. Then I got tired of being forced to ask him for it, getting questioned about how much I smoke, having his friends smoke it more than I can, etc. So I finally got my own device and asked for 1/4 of weed. "You know I'm going to smoke 4 carts right?" So once he finishes his 3rd, he's grabbing my device to smoke the 4th. Then it's gone. I complain. He says I should've known better when he always smokes 4 carts. I ask for him to ration better. To stop breaking/substituting his cart for a different weed device he brought adapter for (on our dime). We fight. I have my. But he was just given a new one through his weed job and he smoked it all within 24 hours and then turned to me. I had a long night being mad about this. And then I'm just like I can't do this with weed, I can't keep being your backup. So we finally buy a 5th cart just for me. When I get through Mt cart, I got the 4th but it's still sharing with him so of course we finished that over the weekend. We are spending 170 on weed. It went from 100 to 170, and I'm only allowed one to two carts, and he still questions my smoking habits! What the ruck! Why must he always say things like man you're smoking more, watch how much you're smoking, ok the rest is yours (then immediately asks for it all night long). As soon as I make a credit card payment, now that's the backup for any overspending. I asked him the day after we got paid, when he asked me to use my credit card immediately at an entertainment venue, if we can finally let the credit card payment settle. Because we keep maxing it out (from vacation to interest to now). Well it's maxed after getting gasoline, my medicines and easter supplies. This is because i wanted our date to be at this entertainment venue (100), he brought drinks (30), if we didn't buy extras we could've went out to dinner where he wanted. But we couldn't but he didn't want to cook and he didn't want the other cheaper option. I told him yes on the first option to the more expensive buffet because at this point im hungry and he didnt like any of my options. After an entire discussion we landed on taco bell. I do love this man, but I'm so tired of having to give him my share. I'm so tired of it. We are going to therapy at the end of this month. We can barely afford everything. Our savings is at 15, we had my SIL cover for our movies, I had my MIL cover me a few weeks ago for a girls tripI keep telling him our budgets but then he just orders things and still expects more. 80 bucks for dinner. I'm taking to my grandmother about her health and her new living placement. Next thing I know, my husband is already prepared for his orders. I said ok since I haven't had time to look as im with family and I told him the budget and I didn't want to talk about money in front of my family. I told him this week I need him to do the math. If im telling him the budget, he needs to figure out rhe math and we need to save money. No more over budgets. I'm still 100 percent salty about the weed split tho, and his excuse of he always smoked 4 carts with our shared weed! Like what the ****, if it's from our shared back account, it's shared weed, stop working 4/5 of it, let me get a chance to smoke on my own pace. |
 unaluna
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#2
Apr 07, 2026, 02:40 PM
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When there is little or no money, nobody needs to be going on vacation, girls trips, drinking or using weed. I wouldn't even go to therapy with someone like this, you will probably find you really have no money problems if you get rid of the main problem, which seems to be him.
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 unaluna
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#3
Apr 07, 2026, 02:50 PM
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@Molinit has made some valid points. And eating out with money problems?! Even Taco Bell is expensive these days! My husband has a decent salary as a college professor and still we never eat out except birthdays, our anniversary, and Valentine's Day because it is so expensive. We don't do date nights and go out. If you want to have a date night, plan a nice night at home, a nice home cooked dinner by candelight, watch a movie on TV, give each other a massage, etc. Spending that much money on a date night is ridiculous. I don't understand why you bothered with Easter supplies when you've got money issues? And $80 for dinner?! Going on a girls' trip? I haven't gone to an actual movie theater in so many years I can't remember what I last saw because it is so expensive. I can't even fathom spending all that money and my husband is makes what is considered a good salary.
It sounds like you need to re-evaluate your priorities, both of you as it sounds like you go along with the overspending. BOTH of you need to learn how to budget & save money.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD quetiapine (Seroquel), lamotrigine, lithium, guanfacine (Intuiv), pantoprazole (PPI for stomach), iron, magnesium, fish oil, vitamin C, Citracal There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen Last edited by Blueberrybook; Apr 07, 2026 at 03:38 PM. |
| Molinit
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#4
Yesterday, 11:59 PM
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Regarding the table.
Register for Trash Nothing website for your area and create a post, asking for a table. Also, watch the giveaway posts by others. You may find what you need. Also, local churches may post free grocery giveaways. Take advantage of those. Another free resource is your local Buy Nothing group on Facebook. Register, familiarize yourself with the rules, and make an ASK post, describing what you need. Monitor GIFT posts by others and express interest in what you like. I am surprised, as were the posters above, that with so little money you have not curtailed your spending. With respect to the table, it appears that you wanted a new table. Why? There is Facebook Marketplace for used furniture. There is Craigslist. Most of my furniture is from Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace. The only expensive piece of furniture I own is a really good bed with a latex mattress (the firmest) from European Sleepworks in Berkeley, a quality, upscale shop. But I have sleep apnea and other sleep disorders and I therefore must have the best possible bed. My health conditions justify the spending. Another thing is that by shopping for used furniture, you are more likely to find items with character, with a soul. Much better than mass-produced new stuff, unless it is very expensive, which you cannot afford anyway. Most of my kitchenware is thrifted, or gifted, or even rescued dumpster finds (items left by the dumpster by people who prepare to move out). And I make gourmet meals using those in the kitchen. Some of the things you can get at thrift stores are simply amazing. And it is a lot of fun, bringing him thrifting spoil and putting it to use. As for weed and alcohol, are you addicted? If not, the best solution for you is not to smoke weed and not to drink alcohol. It will save you money, reduce the amount of bickering between you and your husband, and, in the case of alcohol, improve your health. A win-win overall.
__________________
Bipolar I w/psychotic features Last inpatient stay in 2018 Lybalvi 5/10 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Naltrexone 2 mg Vitamin B-complex (against extrapyramidal side effects) Long-term side effects from medications, some of them discontinued: - Hypothyroidism - Obesity |
| Molinit
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#5
Today, 01:07 AM
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PS Read up on the difference between wants and needs. Read up on living frugally. Since your H is unemployed, he has time. With time, as an extra resource, you can save money. There are things, such as couponing, food banks, and bartering, that take time, and so a very busy person cannot partake. But your husband can partake. Maybe he has skills that he can barter for services. You mentioned massage –– maybe your husband can haul junk or be of help with gardening in exchange for a massage. There just might be a massage therapist out there who is short on time and who needs services, and instead of paying for them, would rather barter.
I am sure there are lots of websites and forums about frugal living, and of course AI can be of assistance, too. You just need to make a concerted effort to leverage these resources. And this is something that can be gamified, made playful, made fun, and also, something that you and your H can do together. That will go a long way towards reducing bickering.
__________________
Bipolar I w/psychotic features Last inpatient stay in 2018 Lybalvi 5/10 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Naltrexone 2 mg Vitamin B-complex (against extrapyramidal side effects) Long-term side effects from medications, some of them discontinued: - Hypothyroidism - Obesity |
| Molinit
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