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#1
Yesterday, 11:49 AM
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I'm not sure if this is the right folder to put this in. If not, I apologize.
About 15 years ago, I was laid off from a job as a Sous-Chef. Not sure what to do, I went to a place that provided Employment Support. It was there I was connected to a Job Coach/Councilor, who I will refer to as "Lisa." She showed empathy with my situation and gave me guidance on what to do. Since I could never really find steady employment due to what I later realized was my social anxiety, depression and declining overall mental health, I would go back to that place and sometimes meet with "Lisa" and other counselors as well. I would try various programs, only to have the rug pulled out from under me and wind up falling flat on my face. I didn't hold this against "Lisa", which I had said to her time and again. Eventually, due to my declining mental health, I was forced to quit my final cooking job. "Lisa" was very sympathetic and almost did wellness check on me after reading how upset I was at not being able to work and struggling. She encouraged me to go for what I really wanted to do, which was starting a baking business. Now I am starting my fourth year with my baking business, though it might be my last due to finances. Even when "Lisa" quit the Job Coaching place, we still kept in touch through work e-mail, and followed each other's business pages on Facebook and Instagram. A couple of months ago, I discovered that we weren't following each other on Instagram and connected again, and she followed me back. The other day, I discovered that she had actually blocked me from her business page on Facebook and I don't know why. She also hadn't replied to my last 3 e-mails I sent. I was really heartbroken when I discovered this. I thought "Lisa" was really pulling and supporting me, and was in my corner. It's not like I was bombarding her with messages or sending anything inappropriate. I would just update her on how business was going and maybe ask for some advice. We would also like each other's posts from time to time. I figured this was a sign and decided to unfollow her and delete her on Instagram too. Knowing what I know now, I wish I had discovered her business page blocking me sooner so I wouldn't have bothered adding her again on Instagram. I'm not going to lie; this one really hurts. I saw her almost as a mentor in a way. There wasn't any attraction involved, just someone who encouraged me and helped lift my confidence when I was down. I have pretty much cut off all contact with her. I feel like I did something wrong, but there wasn't anything inappropriate I said. I feel like this whole thing was a lie and that didn't care about me or my business. I wish I knew what was going on. I feel like I can't trust anyone and that everyone is on probation. Why does everything seem to go wrong? |
 unaluna
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#2
Yesterday, 03:13 PM
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Maybe "Lisa's" boundaries were crossed when you asked her for advice and kept in touch via email. Maybe she didn't want to be regularly updated on how business was going, so she drew a strong boundary to the relationship by blocking you. Perhaps you overstepped her professional boundaries when depressed without realizing it or knowing it. I've crossed boundaries when I've been depressed. I think she was simply creating a boundary for herself. Don't take it so personally. Everything seems magnified and more negative when you're already depressed and struggling.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
 thekingof8
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#3
Yesterday, 04:03 PM
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Quote:
I just don't get it. |
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#4
Today, 02:07 AM
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That does seem odd then, unless she was only being polite?
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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#5
Today, 03:58 AM
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I've been going back and forth on what I did, or didn't, do. The boundary thing is the most likely scenario, but how? The only thing I can think of is when she had some open houses and (only twice in a two year period) I would stop in and say "Hello" on my way back from a market. They were very brief (15-20 minutes max) and I made sure to stay out of the way. That's the only thing I can think of, or someone told her to block and unfollow me.
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#6
Today, 06:00 AM
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Just try not to obsess or replay what you did and didn't do over and over in your mind. It doesn't help any, and it's only just spinning your wheels while getting no clear answers. I think the best answer possible is she put up a professional boundary, and that feels best for her own interests. Please don't take it so to heart or so personally. I was laid off from my job recently, as an example, and I thought that this woman and I were friends while at work. We had gotten together for drinks after work a few times. Well, the day I was let go, I texted her to let her know. She never replied or expressed any sympathy towards me. She let the friendship go the moment I no longer worked there. And there were complications in the mix whereby I hated my boss, and I think this woman likes my boss. So I think she didn't reply to protect herself from any residual negativity coming out of my experience there. She put up a boundary, and I respect that. I try not to take it so to heart and so personally. We were friendly, but it wasn't enough of a friendship for her to want to continue, and that is OK! That's the way you need to look at this. It is OK to let this professional relationship GO. Some relationships are only meant to be temporary to help us in the moment.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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