Assertiveness-your updates

Being assertive has never been one of my problems since I was a kid if something was really important to me. My parents never understood how I could be so assertive when neither of them were but I always used them as an example of what I didn't want to be like & strived to take care of myself from there. I never cared what others thought when I was fighting for what I knew was right. Yes, I felt normal stress when I did that but when you win, each time it makes you stronger & other people learn not to mess with you.

Way back in the 70's when I was in college before personal computers a guy I was working for wanted his record collection written out on 3x5 cards. He agreed to pay a specific price per card. Got the job done & he tried to pay me less than he specified. Told him he wasn't going to get any of the cards if he didn't pay what he first agreed to. I got my pay & he got his cards.

Current day situation, our county is fighting the development of a Data Center on prime farmland. We provided the Planning & zoning commission solid information in a February community meeting I went to but didn't speak at. They did a pathetic job of writing up a proposed ordinance. It made us all angry. We had a planning meeting the week before the next community meeting with our coalition lawyer & lots of communication through our social media private group. 35 of us (me included) got up infront of the planning & zoning commission & the community & news TV & told them everything that was wrong with the job they did & we all called for them to put a moratorium in place & go back & do a good job.

Sometimes you just have to fight for what you know is right. I am thankful by this point in my life that most people know not to mess with me so very seldom do I need to get assertive like this becsuse it is just who I am.

One of the funniest ones was up at the neighbors farm/barn where I had my horse. They were getting the house ready to sell & hired some real jerks to help with the work. They kept leaving the gate open & I didn't want my horse to get out & get onto the road & get injured. I had a chain & lock I usually left unlocked but after so many times of them leaving the gate open after nicely being asked to keep it closed for my horses safety, i locked the chain. They opened the gate by taking it off the hinges. I got a chain & locked the hinge side, they cut the other chain. I went to the hardware store & bought the thickest chain they had. Even the store employee had a hard time cutting it on the solid floor. Used the chains on the gate & that did get a conversation going where it was made known to them to keep the gate closed or they would be locked out. Sometimes being assertive comes down to who carries the biggest hammer or in that case, owns the biggest chain. Everything went smooth from that point. This is how I run my life when it becomes necessary otherwise I am a very laid back person. Using assertiveness only when necessary helps it be respected

I try to communicate better but it’s hard to verbally communicate.. At the dentist yesterday I was surprised with how vocal I was. My written skills are amazing but I rarely talk to anyone except my mom and my therapist. I struggle with holding a conversation but I can answer basic yes and no questions and I’m always saying thanks. I guess my 4 main words I use are yes, no, fine, and thanks. But if someone were to text me I would communicate very well with them.

ChronicReader do you have a problem with assertiveness? Sorry if there is a history I'm missing. I tend to freeze when I know I need to assert, because I'm afraid people will think I am being aggressive. I spend a lot of time mirroring peiple and trying to neutralize potential threats. I've always had a problem with rage, both my own and my perception of others'. Certain kinds of relationships and people have a way of bypassing all that, by showing a kind of distance towards things.