Am I a loser?

My son is 33 and he has a career and a steady GF he plans to marry, but doesn't have a house. He finished college late after two attempts at pursuing the fields he ultimately gave up on, and his career is not in the field in which he did get his bachelor's degree. He started his current career at age 28. He also has a small side business with his GF. You can have a late start and still do OK. In a way, when you start late, you have an advantage in that you know yourself better and are less likely to pursue a career in a field that doesn't suit your personality and intersts.

Many people nowadays are living with their parents because the cost of living is through the roof. Do not call yourself a loser and do not compare yourself with others. Instead, think about small incremental improvements. Are you registered with the services that can help you find a job?

My reply is from a personal experience & observation POV.

To start with, I was getting my degree in music hoping to play flute in a symphony orchestra. Ah, rude awakening as a junior, there was no way I would ever be good enough for that position even if I practiced 24 hours a day. One has to be open to understanding their own skill & talent limitations. I did not want to be a music teacher so that meant as a junior I needed to change majors.

I decided on Computer Science since I was good with computer concepts even back in the 1970's only realized I stunk at calculus & that major required another year of calculus. SOOOO.... I changed to Accounting Information Systems with a minor in Comp Sci. We have to adapt to what we are ok doing & also look at the future potential of what we are choosing. It is actually more complex than choosing a major & making it work. Life just doesn't work that way.

On the other hand my ex made some poor choices. He chose to do poorly in college & not use easy classes to get easy A's for GPA sake. He said he didn't want to bother doing work in classes where he knew he was smarter than the professor. He was sure he was going to get a job offer for a professional position from a company he had done work for while a student in college so he didn't bother to do on campus interviews when he was graduating. They didn't give him a job offer because of his poor GPA. He grumbled because he said his GPA didn't reflect his intelligence. I quietly pointed out that it might not reflect his intelligence but it sure reflected his attitude. So we were married & he didn't have a professional career like he was so sure he was going to have right out of college. He did finally end up with a professional career but struggled to keep it because of his attitude. I did oncampus interviews & had 3 job offers before I graduated. So attitude can play a big part in success.

Fast forward years later when I finally was leaving the marriage after years of counselling we had a blow up in our therapy session & our therapist said my husband had the emotional maturity of a 13 yo at the age of 54. All the past started making more sense. He actually did have a mental condition that caused all those previous issues. We MUST always take our mental issues into consideration when looking at our plans & limitations just like I had to with my lack of flute playing ability to get me into a symphony orchestra.

Yes, I left my marriage because what was happening was harming me & I left so I could survive. Years later I found out he got married because that was what you wete "supposed to do" when you graduate from college. Another bad choice is to feel that you have to do something because that is what you expect to happen instead of what is the right thingwe need to happen for our own life needs, skills, & abilities. Look at the big picture & figure our if there are any choices you can change, different path to take. Life is fluid & we can make different choices, we are not stuck where we are unless we stick ourselves there.

I am now retired at age 73, & after a computer design engineer career, I am living alone on a small farm I bought by myself & have never been happier. Always be open minded to change & analyzing possibilities. I have learned it is not about being a loser but being a "work in progress" that counts