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#1
Today, 09:40 AM
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I have an old childhood friend (call her T) who lives on the other side of the world, I kind of cut the ties in some ways, nothing major but I just don’t partake in communication.
. She has been trying to meet with me in every way possible for years. I am not interested partially because it interferes with my life too much and I just don’t enjoy her company as much in adulthood as we were kids. I just don’t. Her constant suggestions are to meet me when I travel to see my daughter and grandson (neither my or Ts location), she wants to fly there to meet me there. It doesn’t work with my busy schedule when I am in my daughter’s town so I refuse to plan. She tries to plot and find out where I am there. Then she wants me to go stay in her house in some obscure locations, she married a rich man and doesn’t work so they bought some houses in random countries. I cannot arrange my schedule to stay in some houses and I have no desire to do so. She now messaged me that in the fall she and her husband travel to the states (no where near me) and she wants to arrange meeting. This is causing me tremendous anxiety. I don’t want to meet and it’s not going to work for me. I can’t have days off in the fall because I already take days to fly to the wedding on the West coast and then I do crafting trip with my friend that’s long planned. I cannot take more days. My husband’s job is very tedious about giving days off, he barely has any days because he already used a bunch and we are saving days for the wedding. I am also not rich to be constantly having outings and travels I also don’t want T to know that I’ll be at my daughter’s house in August. Because she’ll immediately demand to meet. I literally borderline want to block her. She doesn’t take no for an answer and I am now riddled with anxiety. Literally ruined my holidays. But come think of it I can’t block her. Because she’ll contacts other people asking about me. Last time I didn’t reply she was stalking one of my relatives on Facebook asking if I am ok What am I supposed to do? Ugghh |
 FloatThruThis, unaluna
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#2
Today, 10:35 AM
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If you think about what is revealed in those two quotes from your post then the best course of action to resolve this situation seems really simple. Experience has taught me that simple solutions are usually the best. The simple way to resolve this would be to end the relationship. I would have phrased that suggestion as 'end the friendship' but is someone whose company you don't enjoy, who causes you anxiety and grief, who it seems literally stalks you, really a friend?
__________________
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. |
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#3
Today, 11:04 AM
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| ThatOtherMike
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#4
Today, 12:02 PM
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@Divine 1966
I understand but as you said that didn't work. I'm sorry I left out the important part. You are going to need to talk to her directly and make it clear to her that you are ending the relationship. I suppose you could be diplomatic and not reveal your real reasons. You really aren't obligated to tell her the real reasons but I think it might be best. Pushy people tend to be pushy and resistent. I think being clear and adament when you tell her the relationship is over is important. It's very likely she will try very hard to change your mind. She may even try to play on your emotions and test your resolve. I hope she will just accept and move on but based on your descrription of her she won't do that. You have to do what's in your best interests. Having a toxic 'friend' is not in your best interests. If necessary you can of course make a new thread for support dealing with any fallout from ending the relationship. Isn't that one of the main reasons for this site? I may not have said what you may have wanted to hear but I hope I've been supportive and helpful. I think that everything I've said may have already been in your thoughts on dealing with this. I wish you the best in resolving this.
__________________
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. |
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#5
Today, 12:42 PM
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Spelling it out that I want to end isn’t easy and the thing is I don’t really want to burn bridges, at least at this moment. In fact I don’t necessarily dislike occasional exchange of updates. My daughter is friends with hers on social media etc We know a lot of mutual people. But every time I engage in occasional casual chit chat, it always follows up with elaborate plans to meet in obscure locations! |
| unaluna
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#6
Today, 01:05 PM
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Be more protective of your time with your daughter and grandchild and tell her that explicitly? Same for how you spend H's meagre vacation time. "This year is all booked up." "Maybe when we (both) retire...". Maybe your daughter can give you some insight as to what is happening in this person's life that she has such a need for you to entertain her.
I recently had a phone call with my maid of honor, and she wanted to get together. I put her off, then i looked at her facebook etc. She is MAGA. Omg. I dont want that in my life. I was very sorry to hear that her younger sister had passed, and i hope my interest was of some comfort, but more than that, idk. |
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#7
Today, 01:18 PM
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I think I’ll do what you suggested and continue telling her that i am just not free at the moment. Also from a few times I’ve met her new husband he’s a deeply unpleasant man. I don’t want to spend time with him at all Oh no, MAGA. Great. |
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