Is this just how LTRs work, or is something wrong?

Hi everyone,
After spending time around several couples who have been together for 10, 20, or even 30+ years, I've started noticing some recurring patterns. I'd like to understand whether I'm interpreting them correctly.

These couples seem very successful from the outside: married for decades, financially comfortable, often homeowners, with well-raised children and demanding careers. Some even run businesses together.
But underneath that, I've noticed something very different.

The husbands often have demanding careers and are quite irritable or explosive. They may raise their voices, insult or belittle their wives, and seem to have little patience for them. (These are clear dealbreakers or redflags).
The wives, on the other hand, often seem emotionally disconnected or unusually calm. They appear to have learned how to manage or suppress their husbands' emotional outbursts. They might say things like, “He's just lazy,” or “Better not say that, he'll get angry.”
In other words, they seem afraid of their husbands.

What strikes me is that these women are often intelligent, hardworking, supportive partners who manage the home, children, social life, and their own careers. Yet they seem willing to tolerate a lot, perhaps because leaving would have major financial and practical consequences.
So I wonder: are these actually relationships we should consider successful or healthy?

As I was saying, from the outside, everything looks great: money, beautiful homes, successful careers, children, stability. But if you live around these couples, you can clearly see that they are really not good together.

Another pattern I've noticed is that husbands often spend most of their time working or pursuing hobbies, after their career time. Their wives frequently complain: “Come home earlier,” “Don't stay out so late,” or even threaten that the relationship cannot continue like this.
Yet they eventually seem to accept the situation and accommodate the husband anyway.

This makes me wonder whether these complaints are sometimes less about setting real boundaries and more about seeking reassurance that the husband is still committed to the relationship.
It reminds me of the stereotype of the man who stays out late “fighting dragons,” while his wife complains about it, but ultimately waits for him, prepares dinner, takes care of him, and continues the relationship as usual.

Is this actually a normal dynamic in long-term relationships?
Or am I mistaking stability and success for something that is fundamentally unhealthy?

I don't want to sound pessimistic, but the majority of relationships here in Italy, those that last the longest, have these characteristics.