Does anyone come here anymore?

I recently got out of yet another abusive relationship...

My ex beat me about two weeks ago right before my birthday. My face was so swollen I could barely see through my eyes and my face was red for days...

I don't want to say that he hurt me sexually, but he did often make it difficult for me to use our safe word and sometimes he'd hurt me and I would just... freeze. I didn't say "no" or "stop".

This is a pattern for me. I decided to go through my thread history and I read that I had a relationship JUST like this when I was in my early 20s... I'm in my early 30s now and I'm so shocked that I still am having these issues.

I had hoped to be married by now, with children. But instead, I am getting beat up by men who don't care about me. I feel like I'm too old to be trapped in an abusive relationship AGAIN. Like I never learned from the first one...

I talked to the national domestic violence hotline and I got some good resources. But I just feel like an idiot... Why do I always attract these types of men who just hurt me over and over and why do I NEVER learn from these experiences?!