Reaching a point of breakdown this year feeling undervalued and unrecognised at work

Hi all.
I’m in my seventh year teaching and held a position of leadership being the head of faculty. Recently, my school has introduced a restructuring of leadership and have made my position a top use paid leadership (learning specialist) role which is approximately 40k more.

I hand to reapply for this role (that I’ve been doing for 5 years) and unfortunately leadership selected a 4th year teacher (a graduate) who has no experience in the role meanwhile I’ve done this role for $100 a fortnight these last 5 years.

I’ve also had a hard time with the AP of teaching and learning, who has continually over-scrutinised me throughout the year, shut down every idea I had, prevented me from having autonomy over my domain and instructing me to consult with her before I do anything and even include her in my agenda emails.

I noticed that she was showing some favouring of the candidate who ended up becoming successful for this role by subtly training her up.

There have been so many other examples but for the purpose of keeping this post short, I won’t name them.

Overall I’ve been feeling so deflated, betrayed, let down, undervalued and I don’t know what it is but every time I go into a faculty leader meeting I feel like I don’t belong, there’s this air of feeling unnoticed and invisible, and feeling like people don’t bother to talk to me or make small jokes with me that the otherwise do with each other. They all seem to be at ease with each other but no one seems to acknowledge me. The AP chairs this meeting and everyone in the team except me has been selected to play a role in each meeting such as creating a welcome to country, being minutes take or time keeper. It feels like the AP has actively left me out of this.

I feel like I’ve reached a breaking point to the extent where the class I had in the morning whom I haven’t really felt as close connection as I have to my other classes were so disengaged that it made me want to walk out. It made me feel like I failed.

Feeling like a failure all year and I don’t know how much more I can take. I need mental strength to cope. Why is this the hardest year of my life this far? Why does it feel like I’m constantly losing? Every email I get I take as rejection. For example, I requested feedback from my interview from one of the panel members and he cc’d the AP into a reply to me to state that the AP will give feedback. And I found this so defeating and that he had thrown me under the bus by cc’ing her in the email as though to insinuate I was going behind her back. But I was given the ok to get feedback from this panel member by the principal.

I know it’s small and minor but every little thing that is used to correct me is slowly tearing me down.

Recently tried to call a former colleague who didn’t call back and don’t respond to my text. When I caught up with her a few days later she never acknowledged this and I messaged her after and she didn’t reply. During our catchup, I told her about the AP and she said repeatedly to me “she does not like you” and it didn’t sound supportive - it made me feel like she was rubbing it in. I am also worried that she doesn’t want to continue the friendship after these signs which makes me quite sad as she was such a good friend before. I struggle to maintain friendships but I do care as a person but I also struggle when I sense a change in people towards me. I’m an absolute mess with everything at work.

How do I gather strength?